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Knock Knock
Putting the FUN in Functional

Good Reading

Clichés & Platitudes for All Occasions
We're frequently confronted with situations that require us to impart brilliant insights and advice, but wisdom isn't always possible on the fly. With the help of this pocket-sized prompter, you'll soon be spouting time-tested, gloriously clichéd counsel.
* Chapters ranging from "The Material World" to "Life and Death"
* Over 565 clichés and platitudes to choose from
* Hardcover; 3.5 x. 5.75 inches; 112 pages
@ 9.50

Breakups & Rejections for All Occasions
Some people lose sleep before dropping the ax. Others? fear prevents them from making important life changes. All of us, however, agonize over choosing exactly the right words when worse comes to worst. Breakups & Rejections for All Occasions provides the lines necessary for all manner of firing, quitting, dumping, and disowning. With this pocket-sized prompter, you'll never again hesitate to pull the plug.
* Chapters range from "Crushing Dreams" to "Romance Is Dead"
* Over 533 breakups and rejections to choose from
* Hardcover; 3.5 x. 5.75 inches; 112 pages

@ 9.50

Excuses & Lies for All Occasions
Everybody lies. If they say they don't, they're lying. Scientists have proven that excuses and lies have played a role in our evolutionary survival, so the question isn't whether to lie, it's how. Excuses & Lies for All Occasions provides the necessary lines for workplace, friendships, family, your own inner thoughts, unpaid bills, and more. With this pocket-sized prompter, you'll never contemplate the honest route again!
* Chapters range from "Self-Deceptions" to "Behaving Badly"
* Over 501 excuses and lies to choose from
* Hardcover; 3.25 x 5.5 inches; 112 pages

@ 9.50

Insults & Comebacks for All Occasions
There's a time and a place for saying what?s really on your mind, and Insults & Comebacks for All Occasions provides the lines necessary for dishing it out. Armed with barbs targeting everything from looks to age to intelligence, you'll always be prepared with an appropriate—or completely inappropriate—putdown or comeback. With the help of this pocket-sized prompter, your reputation will soon precede you.
* Chapters range from "The Young and the Old" to "Famous Lip"
* Over 504 insults and comebacks to choose from
* Hardcover; 3.5 x. 5.75 inches; 112 pages

@ 9.50

Pickups & Come-Ons for All Occasions
Approaching that hottie over there requires more than courage—it takes the right words. Sometimes, however, exercising the organ between your ears is too much work; instead, use Pickups & Come-Ons for All Occasions to sweet-talk with class or crass. With this pocket-sized prompter, you'll impress chicks and hunks alike with your persuasive wit—and increase your sex appeal by 42.9 percent.
* Chapters range from "All About Me" to "Coitus Seeking"
* Over 485 pickups and come-ons to choose from
* Hardcover; 3.5 x. 5.75 inches; 112 pages

@ 9.50

I Can't Sleep Guided Journal
When the clock strikes midnight—or 3:00 AM—and you're still tossing and turning, a generic personal diary just won't do. Fortunately, the I Can't Sleep Inner-Truth Journal is filled with provocative prompts and candid quotations that make sleepless nights fun—or at least bearable.
* Featuring over 70 thought-provoking quotes from fellow night owls
* The perfect gift for all the restless people in your life

@ 16.50

My Sex Life Guided Journal
We all think about sex obsessively— shouldn't we try to make at least a little sense of our many sordid thoughts? The My Sex Life Inner-Truth Journal is the perfect receptacle for all those dirty details; filled with just the right mix of provocative prompts and carnal quotations, it's guaranteed to get your (mental) motor running.
* Featuring over 70 thought-provoking quotes of titillating provocation
* The perfect gift for all the horny people in your life—including yourself
@ 16.50

Self Inking Stamp
When the urge to wield a rubber stamp strikes, an inkpad is rarely at hand. Imprint style and wit on the plainest of pages with the latest in impression-making technology. With our oh-so-funny, all-in-one Self-Inking Stamps, blank paper doesn't stand a chance!
- Now with smooth, satisfying ker-chunk
- A perfect office gift for the boss or coworker
- 3.2 x 3.5 x 1.625 inches; imprint area: 2.25 x 0.83 inches

CRAP

@ 9.00

WTF

@ 9.00

Blah, Blah, Blah

@ 9.00

Deal With It

@ 9.00

Thanks For Being
Choose from 1. You, 2. An Asshole, 3. Both
Whatever you choose, you'll get a good laugh
@ 9.00

Recovery Kits
2.75" x 3.75" x 1.875" tin box contains 16-page remedy booklet, silicone bracelet, 5 affirmation cards, 5 healing bandages, recovery certificate, and metal charm

Birthday
Time marches on, but that doesn't mean you have to like it. Offer a friend—or yourself—maximum relief from the inevitable ravages of another year with our all-new Birthday Recovery Kit. It?s guaranteed to turn your affliction into conviction!
* Soothes resignation, restores hope!
* More useful than a card or cake!
* 2.75" x 3.75" x 1.875" tin box contains 16-page remedy booklet, silicone bracelet, 5 affirmation cards, 5 healing bandages, recovery certificate, and metal charm

@ 13.50

Workday
Work is a necessary evil for most of us, and even those with an acutal work ethic frequently suffer burnout. Offer a friend —or yourself— maximum relief from the monotonous daily grind with our all-new Workday Recovery Kit. It's guaranteed to turn your affliction into conviction!
- Soothes malaise, restores purpose!
- More encouraging than looking for a new job!
@ 13.50

Hangover
Occasionally even the most temperate among us overindulge, and the next-day results are usually none too pretty. Offer a friend, or yourself, maximum relief from last night's over-the-top bender with our all-new Hangover Recovery Kit. It's guaranteed to turn your affliction into conviction!
- Soothes regret, restores dignity!
- More effective than a pint of hair of the dog!
@ 13.50

Breakup
Although the proven benefits of self-pity are numerous, sometimes the best way to get over your ex is to simply snap out of it. Offer a friend, or yourself, maximum relief from the distressing effects of heartache with our all-new Breakup Recovery Kit. It's guaranteed to turn your affliction into conviction!
- Soothes sorrow, restores self-worth!
- Healthier than a pint of ice cream!
@ 13.50

Nifty Notes
Handy dandy modern-day etiquette for the masses. 4 x 5.25 inches, 50 sheets

Eco Citation
Are you annoyed when people fail to recycle? Do SUV drivers make you see red? Who are all these people leaving such enormous carbon footprints anyway? With the Eco Citation, you can finally put those hybrid-kickers in their place!
* Earth-friendly confrontation
@ 4.25

Apology
With the Apology Nifty Note, we?ve taken the difficult, awkward act of contrition and made it easy. Now, by filling in the blanks, you never have to actually ?say? you?re sorry.
* Defuse conflicts and avert pouting
@ 4.25

Fashion Citation
Is there really any excuse for a fashion faux pas? With the Fashion Citation, let people know how they could improve—they?ll thank you for it!
* Good taste: it?s no longer subjective
@ 4.25

Bitch Citation
Now that ?bitch? is an affectionate term (mostly), you can tell the bitches in your life exactly what kind of bitch they are. Whether they?re your bitch or just a certain kind of bitch, don?t they deserve to know?
* Even better than the slap
@ 4.25

Prescription
With the Prescription Nifty Note, you can tell loved ones how to heal nonphysical woes with precision, authority, and playful empathy.
* From ?Chill Pill? to ?Vacation,? the best prescriptions sometimes have nothing to do with actual medicine
@ 4.25

Walking Papers
Not everyone can live up to your (justifiably) high standards. Avoid the discomfort of face-to-face negotiation when you hand them their walking papers—literally—and ensure you part ways in peace.
* Firing has never been so fun
@ 4.25

Douchebag Citation
Gone are the days douchebags remained safely confined to clubs, colleges, and reality TV. Staunch the spread of douchebaggery by telling the douches in your environs you recognize them for what they really are.
* More effective than rolling your eyes
@ 4.25

Kraft Journals
When it comes to writing, sometimes all the inspiration you need is a blank canvas and a great one-liner. With minimally adorned—yet attractive—covers and extremely straight lines inside, our new Kraft journals are the perfect repository for all your brilliant—or not so brilliant—thoughts.
- For seasoned and beginning journalers alike!
- Lined pages never looked so good!
- 7.25 x 9.5 inches; paperback, 152 pages

OMFG

@ 7.50

Even My Ideas Are Recycled

@ 7.50

Pads
6 x 9 inches, 60 sheets

Sex With You
While sex is one of our basic needs, the diversity of reasons to engage in it staggers the libido. Clarify your motivation with a checklist that indicates every reason possible for doing it, from actual desire to boredom to lack of self-control. Then clear off the kitchen table and let the fun begin!
* Accurate whether you?re in it for love or money
@ 6.95

Shit List
While everybody claims to have a shit list, there's never been a way to turn the metaphor into reality—until now. Bring the power of organization to your grudges, and find psychological well-being through the mere act of writing grievances down.
- Say "You're on my shit list" in a whole new way.
@ 6.95

Things You Do That Really Piss Me Off Pad
Even the saintliest among us get pissed off sometimes—what better way to express our peeves to loved ones than with multiple-choice checkboxes? From Tailgating to Breathing, let there be no mistake about your annoyances.
- Who wouldn't want to know why they bother you?
- Check off single items or entire groups of behaviors—196 to choose from
@ 6.95

Things You Must Do To Make Me Happy
Standard communication can fail because it?s nuanced, improvisational, and ripe for misunderstanding. Instead, leave notes for your loved ones telling them exactly what they must do to ensure your happiness on a daily basis.
- 196 salient requests to choose from
- How else will they know what you need?
@ 6.95

Why I Must Get Drunk With You
Drinking alone is no fun. Let someone know you require that they be your partner in inebriation, whether for debauched conversation, post-beverage sex, or simply because God invented the blender.
- A hilarious present for your favorite drinking buddies
- Throw three—or seven—sheets to the wind
@ 6.95

Keep It Real File Folders
Why shouldn't filing be fun? These utilitarian folders bring wit, color, and honesty to organization. Whether you've got something to do in the near future or to ponder when pigs are flying, be bold and call papers what they really are.
- A quintessential staple for home and office organization
- Includes space for interior notation
- 6 letter-sized folders per package, 2 of each style

Do/Ponder/File

@ 8.50

Useless/Nothing/Nosy

@ 8.50

Stuff/Docs/Bills

@ 8.50

Nasty Sticky Notes
Ideal for the demure as well as the downright aggressive, these stickies are a one-two punch to put your foes —or friends —in their place.
- Leverage the most effective means of communication known to man - —profanity
- Stick it to 'em!
- 3 x 3 inches; set of 2 stickies, 100 sheets each

FUCK
Our ultra-witty, delightfully filthy Nasty Notes are the perfect way to cultivate your inner fucker.
@ 7.50

Bitch
Our ultra-witty, delightfully filthy Nasty Notes are the perfect way to cultivate your inner bitch.
@ 7.50

DOUCHEBAG
Our ultra-witty, delightfully filthy Nasty Notes are the perfect way to cultivate your inner douchebag.
@ 7.50

Crap Receiptables
Crap Receiptables help you keep track of your crap, providing a home for all the odds and ends of your busy life—not to mention a useful place to decide what crap to do and when to do it.
* Give yourself a leg up by keeping track of all your crap
* Put the mind back in absent-mindedness
* 4.5 x 7.25 x 1 inches; 50-sheet pad, two sticky pads, accordion pockets, and adhesive tab labels

@ 12.50