Graduation
Congradulations
Holy Crap you didn't even notice "congratulations" was mispelled on the front. How the hell did you graduate?
Dissapointed in System
I'm not sure if I'm happy for you or disappointed in our education system.
Birthday
Happy Birthday to My Best Friend
I'm kidding, you're like my 3rd best friend but they don't sell cards that say that.
Clown Instructions
The inside has instructions that tells you how to react as if it were the best card you ever received.
I Sincerely Hope You Have a Fantastic Birthday
If I weren't sincere, I probably would have just written on your Facebook wall.
Happy Birthday From Us
Sure, the card says, "From us," but I think we both know who bought the card and who just signed their name.
Today is Your Day
Well, you and the other 19 million people in the world who are celebrating their birthday today.
That?s right, I Googled it.
You're a hard person to shop for
And that's a huge part of why I didn't get you anything.
Happy Birthday, though.
This is your birthday card
And this is the inside of your birthday card.
What did you expect?
BACK: And yes, this is the back of your birthday card.
I'm actually surprised you saw this part.
Why are you reading the back of your birthday card?
You?re Amazing, Happy Birthday
Don't let this card go to your head.
You still like me more than I like you.
Happy Birthday, I guess
For the record, my birthday was on ___________ and you didn't get me a card. Not even an e-mail. But that's okay. Happy Birthday to you, I guess.
Happy Birthday
I was thinking about it, and I don't think we're close enough for a gift yet.
But here's a card. Maybe next year I'll get you something small.
It's your birthday and I couldn't be happier
Mostly because your age makes me feel so much better about my age.
Happy Birthday to the most self-centered person I've ever met
At first I thought this card would piss you off.
But then I thought maybe you'd like it because it's about you.
May you live to be a thousand
And hopefully never grow tired of shitting yourself.
Because I've heard after 80, you really lose control of your bowels.
For my special friend on your birthday
Part of me calls you my special friend because you're special to me.
But part of me also calls you that because it makes you sound retarded.
I can't believe you're 30
I mean, I can't believe you're only 30.
I totally thought you were older than that.
I can't believe you're a year older
Well, until I look at you.
After that, it totally makes sense.
You've aged
But haven't we all?
It's just weird how it's so much more obvious on you.
Oh yeah, Happy Birthday.
Happy Birthday to Yu
That is not a typo. This card is actually a huge seller in China.
Baby/Wedding
Congrats on the new baby
I have to admit, it's way cuter than I expected.
You're having a baby
I?m so happy that you?re pregnant. I thought you were just getting fat.
Congratulations on your baby
So I guess now would be a bad time to say,
"I don't think you're ready."
Congratulations, you two
Regardless of what everyone says, I don't think either of you settled.
Congratulations on your wedding
Just so you know, one of you married up and one of you married down.
But congratulations to you both.
Congratulations on your weddingg
I hope you like your gift.
Since you went to the store, picked it out and registered for it.
Actually, if you don't like it, it's kind of your fault.
Miscellaneous
Just Because
I don't even have a reason to get you a card. I just got you one.
I guess that makes me one of the most amazing people you know.
They say laughter is the best medicine
Which is ironic, because statistically, clowns die very young.
Get well soon
Before you become a financial burden on your entire family.
I'm thinking about you too
I say "too" because I just assume you're always thinking about me.
You Complete Me
And I don't mean that in the overly used Jerry Maguire
kind of way, I mean it from the bottom of my heart.
My life truly wouldn't be the same without you.
But I do wish you were less controlling.
I Miss You
Not as much as I thought I was going to, but still, I miss you.
Congrats on the promotion
I?m totally shocked, but all the more reason to congratulate you.
I'm Sorry.
You're always right and I'm always wrong.
You're the best and I'm the worst.
You're great at everything and I suck at everything.
Are you happy now?
I'm Sorry
I still think it's your fault, but they don't make a card that says that.
Thank You Very Much
I just wanted to drop you a note and let you know how truly thankful I am.
Also, I really, really want you to keep doing things for me, so I bought you this card.
Thank You
(the inside type would take up the entire card. Both sides. Larger font.)
Crap, all of this type fills up the card and there's no place for me to write something totally heartfelt. I hope that doesn't take away from how truly thankful you know I am. I'll just write something on the back.
Thank you
Okay, why are you still reading?
I said "thank you" on the outside. What else do you want from me?
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